However, being carless at the moment, and the weather akin to the monsoon season, I find myself confined to the house. This has it’s advantages as my tolerant and loving partner no longer has to consider domestic chores at the end of her working day. It is a large house, and a bit like painting the Firth of Forth bridge, once you finish the job it is time to start again. Having been converted from a Guinness loving, rugby following, chauvinist male, to something of a new man, the role of a Domestic God still does not sit easily with me. Inevitably I find myself  looking for diversions. The latest of these involves a blender – bought some time ago when thoughts of living a healthier lifestyle were a minor consideration – never used, but now brought out from its hiding place, dusted down, and pressed into action. This is where the boredom takes over. Now, whilst trying to be conscientious about getting the right amount of fruit & veg each day, generations of Irish ancestry  ensure that at least some degree of alcohol has to feature in the diet. After experimenting with a few simple “smoothies” involving harmless fruit and other health-giving ingredients, my attention wanders back toward the question of “I wonder how this would work with a little alcohol added?”. Initial experiments have proved interesting, although the consistency of some of the creations may prove to be a new source of building material. With further practice, and an even higher alcohol content, things are improving. For the time being the recipes are a secret, at least until the research is completed, and the hangover period is established. But on the plus side it must be said that this is an excellent ploy, whilst appearing a reformed health freak, one is able to maintain a level of equilibrium in the metabolism.

The down side of this boredom phase is the continuation of my perennial “rant against the machine”. I freely admit that the only machines I have had a reasonable working relationship with have been cameras. Even these have now proven to be a nightmare, since the newest Nikon comes with a 600 page instruction book. Who the fuck reads a 600 page instruction book! Of course you read the “quick start” and then launch yourself into the world expecting to capture amazing images. Of course, it doesn’t work like that.  I am now forced to try & decipher how this ultra complex piece of technology functions. Add to this a range of seriously alcoholic smoothies and we end up with something reminiscent of an LSD experience, with images floating around the head making no sense whatsoever. Consequence – you look for an alternative pastime.

I’m almost afraid to mention the bloody computer! It seems that whatever I do on this machine IT FIGHTS BACK! Something as simple as buying a product from a company on e-Bay this morning proved to be a Herculean task. I think I got there in the end, but gave up on the idea of trying to make it into a multiple order. When I am in work the IT section are kept in permanent employment by me alone! Here, in this technical dessert, I am left stranded, frustrated, angry – and pissed with an overdose of 90%proof smoothies! But even this is preferable to the last option – watching mindblowingly boring daytime Sky television.

Maybe I’ll go and make another smoothie.